The Scarred and Sacred Places of Motherhood

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The Scarred and Sacred Places of Motherhood

Motherhood. 

Servant.  

Motherhood is a journey of Servanthood.  

A sacrifice far wider than valleys or canyons, a calling much deeper than rivers or oceans.  Motherhood is a calling of servanthood, the constant beckoning to be the hands and feet to the call 24/7.  A type of sacrifice to be left exhausted to the core, leaving nothing of yourself, and stretched thin.  However, within the stretching, within the sacrifice, within the servanthood, you find an overwhelming capacity to do love higher and richer, to see light in past the shadows, to dwell in hardship and see the purpose.  From cooking to cleaning, to diapers and wiping tears, from sleepless nights to exhaustion filled days, from cuddling and nurturing to baths and bedtime, may the act of servanthood be forever remembered as an at of growing love, not only for your child, but also for yourself as you learn to break and be renewed with each passing day. 

“Love only comes to those brave enough to risk being brokenhearted” AnVoskamp, The Broken Way.

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Confidence.  

Motherhood is a leadership journey of confidence.  

Standing confident within who we are, not for our own sake, but rather that we might lead well, building confidence and humble pride within our children so that they might in turn lead future generations behind them. We struggle of course to awake each day, and rise once more, to accomplish the task before us, but we do so in the confidence that the hard work is worth it and the prize to be rewarded is far more valuable than gold.  Hearts to be molded, minds to be touched, mistakes to be gently mended.  We are the vision our children look to, we are what help mold them into who they become.  No light task, but no greater reward.  Confidence Builders.

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Bearers.  

Motherhood is an act of bearing that which lies before you, no matter what the cost, no matter what the pain.  

We are bearers, the ones who sustain our families, holding them together (as we desperately try).  We have it in our nature to endure and push through until we run ourselves dry.   We bear the pain of infertility and loss.   We bear it, may times enduing deep, dark despair.  However, we are not meant to bear it all, and as we hand over our struggles and hardships to the one who bears all things, we become clothed in strength and dignity.  We then truly do become able to bear all things before us, and bear them well.  For we are called to bear.  Bear these journeys of joy and pain, and bridge the gap in between.  We are called to be the ones to love those who may not survive, to love the fatherless and the orphaned, to love ourselves when we are barren.  To love and to bear that which comes before us, for in doing so we richly know the meaning of pain and agony, which in turn translates into compassion and understanding.  So, if you are on this side of the journey with infertility and loss, know that you too are just a part of this motherhood journey as any other mother.  You are valued and adored and you are truly a wonderful mother.

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Faithful.   

Motherhood is an act of proving faithful time and time again.  

Despite tantrums and meltdowns, we must prove faithful in our love, in our kindness.  Overcoming weary souls and desperate longing for alone time, we must be faithful in spending quality time with the ones who want nothing more than this of us.  Seasons come and go, lessons are learned and new challenges approach, but still we are faithful in how we love, how we serve those who we have been richly blessed with.  We must show devotion and honor to the ones who gave us this title. 

 

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Diligent.  

Motherhood is an act of diligence.  

Each morning breakfast to be made, laundryto be done, clothes to be worn, dishes to be washed, attentions to be attended to, Floors to be vacuumed, Tears to be wiped, fights to be calmed, emotions to be explained, hearts to be nurtured, babies to be cuddled, baths to be given, books to be read, hair to be brushed, bottles to be drank, nightmares to be put to rest.  We must be diligent to show up, to do our part, for no person admires a lazy fool.  May we rest when we need, and yet be diligent where we can so that our children in this life might be well provided for and tended to. 

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Wise.  

Motherhood promotes wisdom.  

This may be a contradictory statement as I feel motherhood also evokes us to do the most foolish things, such as locking our keys in the car, or placing the milk in the cupboard.  However, where the importance lies, wisdom is grown.  The one good thing mistakes are for are to learn, to guide our ways, to clear our judgement.  And children certainly do so, they rip off everything that entangles and bring us to the core of who we are.  No time for make-up, fancy outfits or working out.  We simply have energy to survive, putting one foot in front of the other each day, but in doing so, within the simplicity of it all, true value and importance is recognized.  The importance of quality time, a listening ear, eye contact and the ability to change for the greater good.  We are highly aware of the heart issues raging within us as anger and impatience come quickly to the door from small issues.  We understand the inadequacies within ourselves, and our need for each other, for community, which further blesses and enriches the lives of those around us, wisdom.  We are more in tune to the broken hearts of this world, the indecencies, as we can easily relate them to the what ifs of our own children.  We are brought into this world of understanding the reasons why people are provoked to do the things they do, and it becomes an incredible source of wisdom.  May we never forget these pieces of wisdom along the way.

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Grace.  

Motherhood is full of grace.  

We truly have been given a gift we don’t deserve.  The fresh scent of newborn, the love that passes all fears, the confidence to go the distance, the wisdom to have compassion towards those around us.  Motherhood is a beautiful gift to have eyes wide open, heart broken in two that we might not elevate ourselves, but rather lower ourselves to the service and care of those around us, that we might be filled with the sacred feeling of wholeness.  We are made complete.  Nothing can surpass the gift of grace.  No money, no fame, no success or gain.  It al falls short when we are given something we do not deserve, without a cost, simply for love.  This great gift can propel us to offer bits of grace to our children, to the ones in our lives that we might be able to extend just a piece of what has been offered to ourselves.  May we never stop being the gift to those around us, making the sacrifice so that others lives might be enriched, for this is where the true abundance flows.  This is where the glorious life appears and freedom breaks through.  Motherhood is a hard and treacherous journey, but the reward is not to be matched, the price is not to be valued, the wholeness never to be replaced. 

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Mothers out there, thank you!  

Thank you for your servanthood.  Thank you for confidence.  Thank you for being bearers.  Thank you for being faithful, for being diligent.  Thank you for your wisdom.  Thank you for your grace.  Thank you.  Mother’s you are one of the greatest impacts on the world.   Never forget your platform of greatness.  Never forget your value.  You are treasured here.  You are honored.  You are loved.  You are cherished.  

Thank you Mothers.  

Motherhood.

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~Laura 

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Breathing in Hope, Breathing Out Exhaustion, Tonight I choose

 

Breathing in Hope, Breathing out Exhaustion

 

Tonight I choose to breathe in hope, 

Even though the world says I should fall, 

That I should compare, and consume, 

Worry and Doubt, 

Belittle Myself, Run and Hide. 

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe out failure, 

As God says I am adequate, 

I am enough, just as I am, no better, no worse.  

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe in hope, 

Dreaming dreams of bright futures ahead, 

Doors being opened and roads paved, 

Walking freely along my path, 

Tunnel vision for my worth. 

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe out Exhaustion, 

The constant striving to be better than I am in the current moment, 

Recognizing that new horizons will come, 

Growth will continue within me, 

That I will not stop creating and learning and evolving, 

However, that where I am right now is enough for today, for this present moment. 

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe in peace, 

To let it soak into my veins and echo deep into my soul, 

My work is of value, 

My documenting of overwhelming purpose, 

Capturing these ever passing moments in time, 

The connections created here, the passions and tensions, 

The hardships and mess, 

The blooms and Fruits. 

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe out Disappointment. 

The feeling of not being enough for those around me, 

Or living up to the perfect image that I create for myself.  

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe in gratefulness, 

Gratefulness for the opportunity to see life within the beautiful moments of time as they pass, 

In constant awe of this life I live and everything entangled with it.  

 

 

Tonight I choose to breathe out Praise, 

To speak of all the blessings I have been given and all the good placed before me each day, 

The flowers growing in the yard, 

The trees blooming before my eyes, 

The sun rising to the east and setting to the west, 

The stars and moon shining brightly, 

The restful quiet of country nights, 

The warm snuggles from my little darlings, 

The tender kisses from my handsome prince, 

The helping hands and gracious hearts of my family and friends, 

The means to have shelter, food, clothing and so much more, 

The blessing to know the Lord and the riches of His grace, 

The ability to see life differently behind my lens, 

To enter a new world, and document with connection as my guide not fear.  

 

 

Tonight I step out and I choose. 

I choose for if I don't, then who will choose for me? 

 

~Laura 

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When life feels like a failure and faith is hard.

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When life feels like a failure and faith is hard.

When Life Feels Like a Failure and Faith is Hard

Waking up, rolling over to the sounds of Thomas crying once more.  Is he up for good this time I think, or maybe he will rest just a little longer if I hold him close, comforted in the warmth.  My heart is heavy, dreams are fading.  For you see, as I look into the lives of others, read about the lives of others, it is always about how there was a hard place, a valley, but now they have succeeded and everything is wonderful with the world once more.  That is wonderful, and I am happy for them, but what about myself, seemingly stuck in this valley again, dreams fading, harsh realities sinking in and when my world is full of mess and hard places.  What about this space, on the days where I feel I want to give up, allow the lies Satan fills in my head to win me over, and just stop trying to make something of all of this, when life feel like a failure and faith is hard. 

For you see, I come from a  pretty successful background, top 10 in my class in high school, recruited to represent Ball State through gymnastics in college, met the love of my life there and graduated with a high GPA and hopes and dreams as big as the world.  Back then, professional photography was not on my radar (although I have always loved a camera in my hand), but traveling was.  I wished to travel the world and I had the most amazing man by my side to do it.  But then, life seemed to get in the way.  Our dreams of having a family jeprodized, only to be followed by the blessing of children, which has in turn become the largest, life altering change within my life.  After building jobs and becoming steady, I now sat at home with crying babies, a messy house and far fewer dollars in the bank.  So, photography happens to land in my lap, and as is my nature, I become utterly obsessed, diving in to this passion I have always had, but learning the professional side of things and becoming almost one with my camera as I feel it can capture my emotions and nature of the scene before me, much better than my words can ever describe for me sometimes.  Clients begin coming my way, I am learning the business side of things slowly and loving it every bit of the way as my vision for this small venture begins to become a reality.  I am finding my style and I feel more in love with this beautiful gift now than ever.  Then, God calls us to a new location.  A perfect location for photography.  We live in the countryside, wide open spaces, where the air feels fresh and the wind can be heard brushing by.  My children can roam, and I can have room to breathe.  But what about this dream of traveling the world and using these gifts I feel I have been called to for photography?  My clients dwindle as we are in this new location, and meeting new people and spending my name is hard.  The introvert in me wishes to stay by myself, in my shadows and quiet, yet, my name is dying.  And now photography is beginning to feel like a failure and faith is hard.  

So, where do I go from here?  Why am I sharing the aching cries of my heart?  Because I am choosing to say yes, choosing to believe that there is more that lies beyond the here and the now.  More beyond these lies in my head that I will never be good enough and that my dreams will never come true.  For who gets to decide my successes and failures but me?  And, something gymnastics taught me well is to never give up.  Never stop trying.  It takes attempt after attempt after attempt to succeed in this life.  But we must keep practicing, we must keep showing up in this life.  And why?  Because it matters, because even on days where I feel in the lowest valleys and my emotions run high, I know that there is a God who cares for me.  I don't feel it some days no, but I am choosing to say yes to trust, choosing to say yes to faith, because if my kids remember anything about me, I at least want them to know that I was faithful to take the next step, to keep moving forwards and to keep pursuing my dreams.  I will not give up, I will not stop trying.  I am called to this, this is my purpose, and I will continue to document the beautiful things in front of me in this life.  Whether the world deems me a failure or a success, I will keep marching on, because how we deal with the valleys and moments where we have nothing tells more about us than our successes ever will.  

And I share this to say, that right now, whatever you see of me and think of where my life is at, know that some days, like today, it feels messy and a bit low.  And that is ok.  Maybe your life is messy like mine right now, and you too are wondering if anyone else is out there, who doesn't quite have it all figured out yet?  Whose house isn't pinterest decorated and whose children's hair isn't brushed and who cannot for the life of you figure out why you feel so different?  Be encouraged my friend.  This is me, saying I am here, in the mess, and its ok.  I tell my clients I love to document what feels messy to them, to be able to shine more light on it, and show the beauty that exists even there.  And so, here I am saying that I am going to continue to document my messy so that I too can find the beauty where the mess seems to be shining brightly.  

I hope and anticipate that my future is filled with many of my wonderful dreams coming true.  I know it is highly possible.  But for now, I choose to try my best to be content, right now, with what I have, the small platform that I have been gifted, the 2 children I have been blessed with, my husband who always stands by my side.  I choose to say yes and keep marching on, and I hope you will too and we can achieve our dreams together.  It is possible my friends.  Let's do this! 

Warmly, 

    Laura 

 

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