Sojourned.

I have sojourned to the house of darkness,

Been preserved by its ice.

I have known what it is to lie in the pool of death to the heart,

I have known a deeper pain than breaking,

A shattering,

An inability to ever be the same.

The knowing of tethered pieces torn away,

Like gazelle stripped by lion.

For I have sojourned to the house of darkness and known its pain.

Yet Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.

Behold the One who encamps around those who fear Him,

Behold the deliverer.

Behold the gentle King who drapes a cloak of glory over the shoulders of the shattered.

Behold, my shield of strength, goodness in the land of the living.

Behold the One who warms the ground from ice to pools of redemption.

The One who moves paralyzing fears of darkness to tender beckoning of baptismal anointing of love.

Behold, the gatherer of encouragement,

The threshold to peace.

Behold the Prince who causes streams of life to spring forth out of dry ravines.

Behold the One who sees the depravation of man within the fractured soil and sends rains of renewal.

Behold the One who breaks forth in marvelous light from the defeat of despair.

Behold the One who creates blooms from sufferings,

Creates sapphires from dust of nothingness,

Shining like sanctuary for the soul in need,

Behold the King of glory!

The One who draws us to listen and hear the still, small voice of love,

Who whispers in shadows, beckoning our hearts to behold, to gaze upon Glory itself.

In stillness, shall we feel the breath of the earth,

Awakening from its slumber of the night,

Inhaling such grace,

Exhaling calm winds rising like the sun.

I feel linked to the soil as of late,

Once sojourned to this house of darkness,

Now softening in the warmth of glory,

Preparing for the rising of the Son,

Now sojourned to the house of light.

Cloak of Defense

Darkness truly comes like a thief in the night,

I can’t see it coming,

Can’t feel its advance,

Yet suddenly I’m in the grip of its army.

Somehow I have arrived at the valley of despair,

The depressions of discouragement,

The entanglement of loneliness.

And it is here I see God.

Choking back sobs and wrestling through doubt,

I’m not strong enough to exist on my own anymore.

I need another, one stronger than I.

One more faithful to endure,

One more worthy to fight.

One who has existed with utter darkness and claims it as peace.

Tears well within and rise up and out like a volcano bursting forth,

A burning I didn’t realize had become the death of me,

The silencer of my identity.

Trauma upon trauma can do that to you I have discovered.

Judgement upon judgement can do that to you I have discovered.

Temptation upon temptation can do that to you I have discovered.

And it is here I see Jesus.

The One who knew trauma, knew judgement, knew temptation.

It is here He utters my name and I remember that I am His Beloved and He is mine.

Isn’t it wild that it is always within the eye of the storm that stillness resides and light shines?

I am reminded at the end of myself that God is not finished with me yet.

I awoke today with breath in my lungs,

A testimony that my heart still beats and I have a story to tell,

I have a place here.

Whether I feel it or not in this crooked, cruel and hurtful world,

I have a part to play here,

I do belong.

The tears cried from clouds are companion,

The robin nesting in the bushes is hope,

The woodpecker drilling is endurance,

The trees anchored are truth sustaining,

The sun returning is delight revealing,

The deer crossing is faithful friend.

Darkness you may surround me on every side,

Be pricked within me and dragged behind me,

But you have not conquered me.

For you forget I am tethered to another,

And another,

And another.

The first existed with you and was whole, is whole, shall always be whole, God.

The second experienced you through a manipulation of you by Satan that forever has transformed you, caused pain to be attached to you, and yet was not troubled or defined by you, Jesus.

The third knows you well, for He has become the one who fully resists you,

The one who battles at court of law to remind you of the boundary lines you have crossed,

Of the peace you have stolen,

Of the lies you claim as truth.

This one seals with light itself,

The overcomer of all,

The cloak of defense,

Holy Spirit.

And so darkness, I am learning that though I am within the prison of your making,

There are no chains upon my soul.

Although my mind,

My surroundings,

My circumstances may mock me with deafening cries of defeat,

My soul is protected by the One who not only isn’t afraid you,

He knows how to use this pain for the redemption of His people.

For darkness is the perfect location for light to be seen as what it truly is.

The rays of redemption are coming.

For darkness you forget that the valley is right in the middle of Zion mountains on either side, raising hands to heaven,

Claiming victory over you with songs of praise.

For though in prison of darkness,

I am continually rescued in soul by gentle whispers of light,

Dancing in the winds of Zion,

Again and again, and again.

Tapped out.

Could there ever be a sacrifice so great that we could regret it as an offering for our Jesus?

Could there ever be anything more worthy than giving God our everything?

Do we think the cross He bore for our sakes wasn’t painful?

Isn’t He worth it?

Has He earned it in our hearts?

Is He truly Yahweh to me?

The Great I Am?

Or just the great?

If Jesus was asked to give everything, why shouldn’t I be required to do the same?

I know His blood is far richer, far more meaningful and powerful, divine, than any of us mere mortals.

But, if Jesus chose humility on a cross,

And if His life is the way intended for me to follow,

Does not the same request fall to me also?

Is not the same cross asked of me to bare?

The length to which we are willing to suffer aligns with the words we believe to be sovereign over our lives.

For though it breeds misery,

The ability to suffer,

The opportunity to suffer for the sake of Jesus,

Is one of the most valuable treasures on earth.

For how free are we, once suffering no longer has us bound, but rather supplies blessing and fullness this world cannot give?

Forgive us Lord for ever thinking we don’t need the cup of suffering,

When indeed Christ chose it humbly,

Willingly,

Sacrificially in love.

Forgive us Lord for thinking we know a better way.

Indeed we are cowards, fools, selfish, stubborn,

Blind to the way of creation,

The way of marvel,

The way of intimacy,

The way of hope.

Everything has a cost.

The cost of faith is our ego.

The cost of joy is our pride,

The cost of love is our own selfishness.

We discover the most breathtaking beauty in the raw vulnerability of our own nakedness.

The truest freedom of our lives rests in the ability to let God.

Let God decide our days.

Let God love us.

Let God reveal vision, perception, ideals to us.

Let God use our sacrifice to burn in us a treasure.

Let God make peace from the rubble of our broken down pride.

Let God awaken utter dependance on life in Spirit.

Let God be God.

Let me not.

In it all may a beautiful exchange of self for God unravel the mystery of the lived out gospel.

Might we run tapped out,

On fumes,

Having every bit of ourselves poured out,

And more,

Filled with always more than enough of God each and every day,

Miraculous overflow.

May time on this earth be used up on God,

On His people,

His creations,

His glory.

I think this is the narrow way that leads to the garden soul,

The rooted mind,

The beautiful feet,

The devoted heart.

I think this is the narrow way that leads us back to God.