Deep Calls to Deep

Deep calls to deep,

My spirit stirs within me.

Kneeling face to earth,

I still, restless with the constant wrestle of me.

God tenderly cupping hands to my face,

Gently tilting my chin to meet His deep, loving gaze;

“Arise my beloved, arise” is whispered to my ear,

I follow the Shepherd step by step to the valley,

Mountains courageous in the distance,

Streams of living water meet me there,

Glistening pebbles as the sun streams through,

“Get back up, be refreshed and arise” I hear,

Toes rest beneath anointing,

Preparing this vessel as You so created.

You lead, I follow, up the rugged mountain path,

Narrow terrain traveled beside a ravine,

Deeper into paths we go,

Further up and further in.

I stand in the sun and feel the breath in my lungs,

For freedom soars within.

In the distance farmers are cutting grass,

I know I too must slice my sin.

Confessions arise,

Revelations make way for new beginnings.

Behold, rocky soil makes way for Laurel,

Aromatic blessing as we cross difficult trails,

Establishing tolerance for seasons of drought,

Seasons of wilderness,

Collecting stones of remembrance,

Leaves of healing balm,

Crowns of victory.

Soon enough the fires return,

Purification in the making,

Into the cave I must retreat to remember who I am.

Monastic days, the prayerful life is the soul filled life.

I gaze above at the stars,

Solitude swarms until it settles.

Wind meets me alive and beautiful,

Stirring inspiration, gathering miraculous love.

Hineini, Here I am, and Here you are.

Back to the mountain we go.

We traverse the woods, rocks, streams, storms, falls, and exposure,

Until the summit supports the weight of me.

Deep calls to deep,

My spirit arises within me.

Worship flows out,

Kneeling face to the earth,

Knowing enduring hard things is the root of glory,

In awe of the journey and the honor to be called welcome as the streams begin flowing down the mountainside.

Tethered Here.

Tethered Here

I sit,

Staring at the wall,

Wondering how I got here?

Wondering how following a heart of surrender,

Has left me here:

Crumbling,

Aching,

Groaning,

Shattered,

Pleading for some sake of normalcy.

This feeling of utter forsakenness close at hand.

Panic invades me.

Truth struggles against the deafening shrills in the dark.

As I sink,

Hardened by brokenness as stone,

Quickly evading the light of surface,

Numb.

Yet here, somehow, some way I cannot name,

Love embraces this heavy yet fragile frame I have become.

No words,

Just music,

Melody in the middle of the war.

This is resistance to the despair I am engulfed within.

This way through is welcoming the pain,

Befriending to look straight into its eyes and wait.

No rejection,

Rather facing it straight on.

Here truth unveils beneath the bitter emotion its wrapped within.

And here I sit a while,

Letting pain be teacher,

Epiphany,

Even friend.

From dust I have been created,

To dust I shall return.

This drowning overwhelms me,

Claims me.

Yet cannot cling to me.

For in the stillness I am found.

Womb that held me,

Wounds that heal me,

Wonder that leads me,

Wind that teaches me,

Water that transforms me,

Word that sustains me,

Worship that enliven me,

For I am found by Yahweh,

I am found by nurture,

I am found by life.

This ache,

This groan,

This crying out for Jesus,

Just as God once cried out for us:

“Ayeka”,

I echo to the One my soul longs for,

Groans for,

“Ayeka”,

Where are you Lord?

Where are you in this pain?

This suffering?

This darkness I cannot bare?

The answer,

It comes so freely,

“Hineni”,

Here I am.

Tethered to You,

Just as to Moses,

To Abrahama,

To Samuel,

To Isaiah.

These waters of my drowning,

Become tears of my weeping.

Undeserved melody as gift,

The presence of Yahweh.

As I weep lament and gratitude,

I rise into the arms of the good Shepherd.

Waters once threatening me,

Now carry me.

The circumstances of my wounds,

Could not abandon the seed of love,

Tethered within me.

Fingerprints etched into the sand of soul,

Lines traced,

Redirected,

New patterns forming,

Foreign,

Yet somehow known,

Grounding.

Waves cannot drown the anchor of worship,

For waves have potential,

To be water for miracles.

As wounds made way for an understanding Savior,

Suffering strengthens the tether to the presence of Yahweh,

The Holy One.

Not my will but thine be done,

Not my will but thine.

Tetelestai.

It is finished.

The Lord is my strength.

My feet like deer,

To the mountains I journey.

Hineni.

Here I am.

Tethered to Jesus,

Where goodness and mercy forever dwell.

I can hear the bluebird singing.

The time has come,

To surrender,

Savor,

Soar.

Amen.

Shadowed Soul

How deep disappointment cuts,

How it makes us bleed out failure, life, confidence.

Once we have endured the loss of blood we lie still in the waiting to heal.

It is here we begin to be able to see the gift of disappointment.

It is here we see the wonder of shattered pride for glorious humility.

It is here we hear the call of purpose beyond selfish consumption.

It is here, in the shadowed soul, that we see the covering of protection from ourselves.

In the pain of stillness we are able to begin to taste the sweetness of opportunity.

Disappointment opens the curtains to our lack.

Here we are able to enter pools of renewal to be filled.

What a wonder that disappointment has ability to evaporate into blessings.