Come Matter Here

Come Matter Here

I am wandering through a forest,

Limbs hiding me from complexities of life;

I am safe here.

I am broken out there.

Why is it always back to this space in my mind?

This space of not seeming to belong?

I have felt this since childhood.

I wanted to read when others wanted to play.

I wanted to write and watch waves as others wanted to scream and experience vibrancy of life.

Maybe I have always been this way.

Just a bit other than,

Somewhat of an almost, but not quite.

And always, always I have been “too much” in my emotions for spaces outside the wilderness.

I take things too personal,

I cry too much,

I feel words as others feel bones.

I am overwhelmed where others seemingly function quite well.

And I wonder,

Why am I so seemingly broken for this world?

And yet, in the gift of the stillness of solitude I hear it whispered through the wind,

Carried in the crunch of leaves beneath my feet,

Brought by the flow of stream alongside me,

This is the journey of humanity:

To be flawed,

Shattered,

Crumbled,

Left out,

Proud,

I hear it sung by the birds,

Held by the roots of oak,

Embodied by flower,

This too is the journey of humanity:

To be Healed,

Loved,

Nurtured,

Pursued,

Wanted.

I see it in the sunshine breaking through the canopy,

I feel it within the moss between my toes,

I taste it like cool rainwater to my tongue,

This likewise is the journey of humanity:

To listen for understanding,

To give out of compassion,

To delight in presence,

To rest in the belovedness of God,

To serve in remembrance of One who sacrificed all for love.

And so, I am safe here in these woods,

And I am broken here.

For I am undone by my need to be both inward and outward,

In my solitude I am reminded that my almost, not quite is exactly what brings light to another.

For I cannot be that to which I am not.

And I must accept my need for more than I am.

I am broken and I am made whole by God.

I wish so deeply to stay, to remain here in this hallowed space, this sacred ground,

Yet here I cannot remain,

For I hear the heartbeat of lives in the beyond,

Come matter here.

It is not location that defines significance and value, it is the knowing of our innermost self,

It is stepping into community vulnerably with that self that breaths flame to fire of soul purpose.

I walk the path back towards the chaos of my life with others,

And I remind myself,

Perfection is only an illusion,

Humanity is the tension of safe and broken.

So come matter here.