Memories

Memories. 

 

To the world I might seem strong, 
Like I have it all together. 
Brave to some, daring to others, 
Stepping into new things, new places, new spaces as if it is easy.
But to You, I know you see me. 
 

You look with me in the mirror, 
You see my scars, the zits, the inner exhaustion. 
You see me and it doesn’t scare you like it does me. 
You know my heart and my struggle to let others in.
They get a large part of me, that is to be sure, 
Larger than most I believe, 
But to let them into all of me would be the terror I see. 
 

As You know I have been stripped bare, 
Clothes trampled, emotions dragged through the muck, my rags not fit for the poor. 
Because of the pain I hold back.  
Because I do not want to go back. 
I don’t want to be hurt again like I have hurt before. 
Because today it all floods back. 

Today I remember the blood trickling down. 
I remember how I worked that morning instead of rushing to the hospital because I wanted to escape my own reality. 
I remember waiting in the hallway, half naked and cold as I awaited the ultra sound which would clarify her death. 
I remember my body going cold, the bare walls of the room closing in, the noise of the machines fading to black as we lost the one creation we had ever made. 
A piece of me died that day. 
A piece of me died and I don’t know how to get that back. 
Nothing will bring her back. 
And I might sit here and scream at You once more. 
I might proclaim my "why God"s and demand an answer, but I know now some things are better left unsaid. 
I know that no answer could ever be justified in my mind this side of heaven. 
 

So I proclaim the only thing I do know. 
I know that somehow I am still alive today. 
I am alive and my heart is beating. 
I have breath in my lungs and because of You I am made stronger. 
I feel just as weak as the day she slipped away. 
Yet somehow we have made it over 6 years now.
 

Today I just miss her and that’s ok. 
It’s ok because I know I will see her again one day. 
It’s ok because I know she is in the best hands she could ever be with You. 
And though my brain does not get it, 
My lips have trouble speaking it,
I know that you are for my good in all things. 
I know You are enough for me in all things. 
Because God, simply put You are my everything. 
 

Hold her close tonight will You? 
Hold her face close and whisper that I love her. 
Whisper that I cannot wait to see her again soon,
To see You face to face for that matter as well. 
It could do my soul some good. 
But for now, here I am. 
 

Send me out.
Use these bones of my mine.
Make use of what I have left in me. 
I know there is Kingdom work to continue. 
I will try to close my eyes now, 
Get ready for the morning. 
The sun will be rising soon. 
And joy shall be set before me. 
The joy of the Lord is my strength. 
I believe it more and more each day. 
And as for me and my house it is our joy to serve You Lord. 

Thank you for staying close.
My breath feels stronger now. 
Thank you for remaining near. 
The anxiety slips back into the darkness behind me now. 
Thank you for remaining faithful. 
 I go back to my belief each day more and more, that in it all,
You are for my GOOD. 
God be praised through my memories. 

Hope Grasped. Lackey Family Session; NWI Photographer

Hope Grasped

Hope grasped onto. 

Arms tenderly wrapped around children, 

Holding them close.  

Delicately embracing the beating of of her heart. 

There is a beauty about her. 

Her children call her fearless, bold, determined, caretaker, truth teller.

Willing to risk it all for the sake of the one. 

With an infectious laugh and ears open to listening, 

her joy overflows, abounding in goodness. 

This light she carries, though many days threatened by the dark, will not be defeated, 

for she is a warrior.  

Fighting for truth for her family, her community, her own heart,

enjoying togetherness. 

Speaking words of truth, words of affirmation over each other, 

bringing power and hope to the honor of the spoken word. 

As you stand on the mountaintop together, 

may you be bold enough to take on new adventures, new seasons for the sake of hope. 

Hope grasped onto, never letting go in each and every season. 

Setting hearts ablaze. 

I had the Immense honor and privilege of photographing this beautiful family recently.  To day their hearts poured over in love, in togetherness, in faithfulness and tender support would be an understatement. Time is such a gift, and my time with the Lackey family was one of the greatest gifts! 

Letter to the Lackey Family: 

Time with you is a rare gift.  You have the power of honor each other with your words. Your family is filled with incredible joy.  You stick together, fighting for each other; through the hills and the valleys you are one.  There is value in the togetherness, in the time. You reckognize this season is ever changing and the small grasp there seems to be to hold it still.  Yet, even amongst the wavering, there is peace, there is unspeakable wholeness.  There is a firm foundation resting here, the heartbeat of your family that holds you together.  This mold is unique, strong and lasting. Keep pressing in to each other. Keep loving each other, even on the hard days.  Keep making time to listen, for it is so incredibly worth it!!  You guys are simply incredible!! I hope you know what a rare gift you are to this world.  Thank you for allowing me to be just a small piece of your grand story being written.  

Ben- you are so so loyal and kind.  I believe you will be a quiet leader in your days ahead. Humbly showing up each day.  You are filled with goodness.  You have so much to give. You feel this world, and do not let that scare you.  For compassion for others is one the greatest gifts we can posses.  I truly believe you are destined for some incredible journeys! 

Nate- Quiet and reserved, yet I can see a beacon of light coming from you.  Your smile can light up any room and there is quite a bit of creativity welled up inside of you. You are an amazing caretaker for your sisters.  You process the things of this life, and I cannot wait to see where that extraordinary gift takes you!! (And ps, I hope you keep your hair forever, because it is amazing!!) 

Katie-You are going to do great things in this world.  You are a doer.  You lead your sisters so so well. May you never forget what a gift you are.  Life itself spills out from you, as you serve and encourage, and care for your sisters.  You are a beauty for the world to see; not only physical, but also of the heart. Keep loving others well, for this is how we change the world.  Extending love, one person at a time. 

Addy- So fun loving and spunky!  You just go for things, full force, all in.  But within this, you are kind and compassionate.  I cannot wait to see where this takes you!  Continue to be exactly who you are, for it is what makes you the most beautiful version of yourself! 

Anna- Lover of life and lover of your brother Ben! :) I adore how much you admire your older siblings. You surely have some good ones to look up to!! But remember, that there is an amazing treasure within your own gifting as well.  You are loyal and you have so much wonder of heart built up in you.  Never forget the beauty and wonder of this world.  Bottle it up dear one and pour it out to the world. 

Mark- A great listener and a great leader.  I love that in speaking life and truth over Kelly you mentioned her greatest joy to exist within birthing your children.  You see beauty in sacrifice, and surrender, in the gift of new life, as you are speaking into the lives of others and showing them the gift of life itself.  Your boys look up to you in the most radical ways.  Your girls cling close, knowing they are in a safe space.  Your words of affirmation over Kelly were so powerful and poignant.  I hope that wherever life take  you next, you will remember this gift of speaking life into others, into your family, into the love of your life. 

Kelly- Where to even begin.   There was a connection I immediately formed with you.  Your compassion and grace know no bounds.  The way you gently cupped Ben's face and spoke words of affirmation into him is one I will never forget.  You, like Mark are a life giver.  In gentleness you are also willing to step out in courage and take risk.  You would do anything for your children, and they know this, they know it well.  You remain close in truth, yet allow distance to grow.  There is this beautiful space to feel welcomed, encouraged, blessed and challenged by you all in one.  Challenged to step into that in which we are called to.  Your gifting know no bounds.  You have a heart that spreads to each soul you meet.  You are a great treasure.  Stand in this beautiful space of holy surrender, for your family is watching and they are being given the greatest example.  Thank you for allowing me into your sacred space.  For your family truly is sacred.  Keep holding them close and soaking in this time.  Each day is a gift. 

Grateful and blessed with my time with this family.  May we remember to grasp onto hope in every season, never letting it go.  And may remember the power of our words.  May we spread hope with us wherever we go. #hopedoers

~Rooting you on from here. 

Laura 

***In honor of hope, in honor of spreading this power of words into the lives of others, we have an event taking place, June 9th.  We are hosting a tea party, where we will discuss this idea of hope, as well as create an intimate space for rest, for fellowship, for good food and intentional filling up.  We would love to have you be a part! Simply email TheAdvocateHopeShop@gmail.com for more info!! 

Would you like me to photograph your family?  I would love to bring hope and joy to you in whatever season you are in. 

Etched; The Miranda Family; NW Indiana Lifestyle Photography

Etched

Etched into each other’s lives.  Etched for beauty, etched for love.  Etched for growth, companionship and purpose.  It is not each other that gives us our purpose, but rather allows for our purpose to shine.  Nicole has been a person etched into my life for an unmistakable purpose. She lives out her days faithfully serving little ones and graciously pouring her time, love and attention onto sweet friends.  She is loyal, and her kindness extends beyond the farthest ocean.  She will fight for you, and she holds truth on her tongue.  

Photographing their family, there was peace, joy, and overwhelming togetherness.  Walking through this season of life with tender new mercies each day and smiles to face the sun for the gift of new life resting within her.  And even now, as she cradles her youngest to her she is a warrior, crafted with care for the purpose she is upholding. 

And the way she and her husband Matt interact.  Sweet graces each day.  Their eyes sync in beautiful harmony, delight dancing over them.  There is rich reward in the struggle they have fought through to the space they now hold so dear.  Moments intertwined for strength and growth. 

That day together, spent walking through the gardens, leaves crunching underneath our feet, watching birds fly in the sky.  Listening to giggles as we danced the day away and breathing in deep, life giving air to our bones.  Cradling their unborn child within Nicole's beautiful body, and covering her in sweet grace.  Speaking words of affirmation and truth as we explored through the trees and found the light once more. Dancing, singing, laughter and breath to give the richest memories of an unforgettable evening together. 

Letter to the Mirandas:

To say that you are loving, kind and an extension of grace, like branches sprouting out from a tree is an understatement.  Your hearts know no borders, your love is strong, like a tree planting roots. There is depth to your family, an intangible bond, a reckoning force. Never lose your sense of wonder, hope and joy. It is something incredible for the world to witness! 

Matt- A servant if I have ever met one!  Not only have you served your family, but you have also been such an extension of grace to our own family as well.  You show up so well for your family. Nicole always speaks incredibly highly of you in the ways that you come alongside of her and walk hand in hand together.  And the way you love your children, making them feel important, valued and cared for is one special trait for them.  Never lose your sense of service and the patience you have along with it.  It is such a gift. 

Maddox- Oh your sweet wonder and charm.  You are a thinker and an observer.  You love to explore and dream.   You are going to grow into quite the little gentleman one day.  Maddox, you are so deeply loved.  Never lose that powerful wonder you have about you.  People long for the joy you find in this world! 

Morgan- strong and beautiful.  You are a fighter, a defender of justice.  You know what you want and you are determined until you get it.  You will be quite the leader one day pretty girl. Never lose that strength within you. Let it carry you forth to big dreams.  You will be a world changer some day! 

Nicole- Steady and Strong.  You too have a remarkable strength about you.  There is something about motherhood, especially in these days of such little ones that brings out something fierce and beautiful in a woman and I see that in you.  You are SO steady for your children, drawing them back to who they were made to be time and time again through love and compassion.  You love deeply and with extreme passion.  I love this about you!! I think it is what has drawn us so closely together as friends.  You take a stand for the things that matter to you.  You love beyond yourself and give more than anyone deserves.  You are a beacon of light on hard days and a shoulder to cry on.  You listen with compassion and answer in gentleness. You are an incredible friend, and I know a wonderful wife.  The way Matt looks at you, he knows he has won the world with you.  Keep fighting for those children, keep laying it all down each day for them, for they see you, they love you deeply and they treasure how well you love them, as do I.  You are a remarkable gift to this world my friend.  Never forget that.  Let your incredible light shine for the world to see! 

~With all the hugs and gratitude I can muster because this family has my entire heart, 

Laura